You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
