ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
