Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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