I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
