K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
