I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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