Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
