yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
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