I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Randomize
