careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Randomize
