I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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