once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
