Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
