Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
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