Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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