getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
