I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
