the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You are the jesus of drinking
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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