I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
