Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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