I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
