Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
