i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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