I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
