between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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