I need help removing her.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
