My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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