If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
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