I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
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