Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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