I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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