He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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