Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(708): View more from Illinois

He uses pillows to masturbate.

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(703): View more from Virginia

Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.

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(973): View more from New Jersey

He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.

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(707): View more from California

I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA

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(954): View more from Florida

I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday

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(203): View more from Connecticut

I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!

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(504): View more from Louisiana

From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.

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(303): View more from Colorado

My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy

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