it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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