Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
