O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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