nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
