im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I think your dad took our porno
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
