Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i will never coherently bang her
pop tarts are not kleenex
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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