I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
How does it feel to date your dad?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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