I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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