I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
