I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
