I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
