I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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