I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
