paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
organizing the empties. That sober.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
