She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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