whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
