turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
