Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
