addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
