found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
