Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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