I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
