Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
