I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
