last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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