She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
