i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
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