just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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