What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize