i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
