Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
