I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
did you just send me my own nude
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
