I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Well I just put wine in my tea
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
