So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
