Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Randomize
