True but thats because hes a fetus.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
