im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
did i walk over a car last night?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Randomize
