That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
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The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
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I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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