Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
