we have officially lost it.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
