she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
