i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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