Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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