Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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